Thursday, June 30, 2011

swimming in the shallow end

First thing's first:

I challenge you to name ONE decorating scenario wherein this lamp might be considered aesthetically appealing. Maybe Rock Hudson's bachelor pad movie set from forty years ago?

Let me explain. My husband's company houses us in furnished apartments for our summer adventures and this little feng shui nightmare was on the living room end table when we got here. I have since demoted it to the master bedroom, where it spends its days wreaking havoc on my relationship with DJ. It's the pistols at dawn for this lamp.

This next one is for Maggie:

My toenails are fluorescent pink. I've always been self-conscious about my mutant toes, so displaying this picture on the World Wide Web for all to see represents a huge breakthrough for me. I think I'll reward myself with a tall glass of Fresca.

Next up:

The ferris wheel at the Texas state fairgrounds. I like it.

Next, the view from our patio:

They're building a train track. I'm still reading Atlas Shrugged (of course) so I have a little life-imitates-art situation going on every day. For those of you who haven't read the book, there's a lot of railroad-building hoopla in it. At least in the first 580 pages there is. I cannot vouch for the last 500 pages. I'll get back to you on that (in ten years, when I finish it).


I finally learned how to French braid. I know, I know. You're thinking, how does someone manage to be a female for thirty whole years without learning this skill? My answer: Easily. I tried once or twice before, got charlie horses in my fingers and gave up. Kind of like my crochet experience. I decided enough was enough and after a few hours of practice I've gotten to the point where Olivia doesn't hide behind the couch when she sees me with the brush. Next up, learn to play the guitar.

Finally, two of my favorite people in the WHOLE world:

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Marie Says Yes said...

"rock hudson's bachelor pad"?!?!
muh-ha-ha! that's exactly what it looks like to. it is SWEET! (and i say that word because it was so very popular with the males around my college time, and i learned to loath and despise and abominate it with every fiber of my being. so naturally, i wanted to share it with you.)
i love rock hudson. it is ironic that he played for the other side of the team. ironic, no? i wonder if doris day knew. i think she did, and she was just pretending to date him to cover for him.
and now you know my conspiracy theory.
your toes are delightful, but the way. you should post them and loud and proud, baby! one toe posting a week, perhaps.
elise, my summer feels boring. i wish at this time you did not live in texas, although you are totally rockin' it out there!
you're cool, elise. too cool for school. the end.

Snowfire said...

Marie, Its a well know fact that the studios covered for many gay and lesbian stars with fake relationships. They also covered up mistresses and other indiscretions.

As for the Feng Shui, what does Chinese Geomancy have to do with that rocking lamp. It represents Earth. It is Square---Solid, Rock---Solid, the natural colors are very harmonious. I'd put it in my house. I think the only trick would be to balance it with a water feature.

Meegan started painting her franken toes too...odd. But she did teach herself guitar so there is hope. If only you had an awesome husband who went out and bought you one cuz you mentioned it...

Elise said...

Marie, allow me to introduce my brother-in-law, Jon. In case it wasn't COMPLETELY obvious from his use of words such as "geomancy," he's been in college for, like, the last fifteen years straight. Jon, this is my friend Marie who I've only met once in real life.

Jon, you and Rock and that lamp. Let's hope the similarity in your taste ends there.

And the ONLY thing that would balance out that lamp would be a homosexual man, not a water feature.

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

I would NOT put that lamp in my house. It belongs in a cheap motel where skeezy people get caught on camera by their significant other and Maury Pauvich. Jon, for shame! :-)

My frankentoes are currently pink...but I think I'm going purple this weekend. Maybe blue.

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

Also, I find it sad that Neil Patrick Harris plays for the other team. He's cute AND talented. So of course he's gay. sigh. Not that I'd get anywhere with him if he were straight....sigh...

Snowfire said...

Woooo. I get glares when I look at Alyson Hannigan and you can dream of NPH...not fair...not fair.

And the college thing has only been 9 years. Water does bancle earth and I would also add wood, in a curvy shape (wood is an element in Chinese mythology) to balance the solidity of that lamp!

Hurst Family said...

Maybe the lamp should have a low wattage bulb put in and demoted to bathroom night light status--I don't know that many good relationships could survive the monstrosity.

And thanks for the toes picture. I love Pink :) And I think my toes are freaky for being so little. Sean says they're missing a knuckle and I say they're fine and HE has extra toe knuckles. Ah feet. Such worthy blog material. I may write a blog about my "Utah Feet" soon- it's been bugging me.

Hope all is well in sweltering Tay-hass.

Aunt Val said...

You are SOOOooo awesome!

Alanna said...

In that last picture don't you have 3 kids showing? Which one isn't favorite? I hope you see this comment, otherwise I will just blog stalk you for the next forever!