Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Have you ever...

Have you ever looked at a picture from your childhood and thought, "Why couldn't I just put on a dorky costume and pose like the other dorky kids?! Why, oh WHY did I just sit there picking my nose??"

Have you ever woken up (awakened?), looked in the mirror and thought, "Dangit! My hair is still trailer park blonde!"? Whenever I'm pregnant (which for me is, like, ALWAYS) I start to feel all grody and unfeminine and then I get these Crazy Ideas and that's when I start to do screwy things to my hair. (Everyone remember the crappy haircut I got when I was in Hawaii, pregnant with Chancho? Talk about a recipe for disaster-- pregnant and on vacation. I'm surprised I didn't dye my hair blue.) I have had some heinously bad hairdos in the course of my four pregnancies. Right now my hair is this ridiculously unnatural shade of blonde. A girl who works at a place where they normally only allow licensed professionals to work committed this act of bad hair against me. Now I have an appointment for this Saturday to have another licensed professional fix it.

Have you ever come to a screeching halt on the side of the road to buy Leamonade (that's what the sign said--with a capital L) from a suspicious-looking redhead because you feel bad for the poor kid, only to find that the "Leamonade" is seriously overpriced and actually not even Leamonade at all, but some form of Sugary Cherry-Flavored Drink that your kids (and the redheaded kid, too) end up spilling all over themselves and your car seats?

Have you ever been searching the house high and low for your one-year-old child, only to look out the window and see him halfway up the tree in your backyard?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy Cinco de Mayo...er...birthday, Macey!

We accidentally threw a Cinco de Mayo-themed birthday party for Macey. I say accidentally because I didn't intend for her cake to end up looking like a platter of guacamole. That was just one of those fortunate twists of fate. Macey really wanted to have a pinata, and since I'm a pretty big fan of whacking things with a stick to produce candy, I went along with the idea. So I went to Walmart in search of their cheapest pinata (you're just going to destroy it, right?). There were $20 High School Musical pinatas and Tinkerbell pinatas, and while I am not opposed to the idea of smacking Zac Efron in the face with an oar, I opted for the el-cheapo $10 parrot pinata that was actually Made In Meh-hee-co (mistake #1). And that was the last bit of thought that I put into the pinata.
So the eve of the birthday party came and it was time for the pinata. "Hmm... pinatas are usually hanging from something, aren't they?" I thought. That was when DJ had the brilliant idea to hang the pinata from our rake and wave it in front of the children's faces (mistake #2). "Hmm...the children will need something with which to whack the pinata..." I thought. So I sent DJ back into the garage in search of a whacking-device. He came back a few minutes later with an oar. I thought this was excellent, since I fully expected him to come back with a set of antlers. So we headed to the backyard with our rake, oar, and poorly-constructed parrot pinata. Oh yeah, and 15 or so crazy nieces and nephews.
As it turns out, pinatas usually hang from a rope for a good reason. Apparently our rake didn't provide the 'give' that the pinata needed to stay attached to the plastic hoop thing that it swings from. That's when we decided to invent a new game.

Pinata Golf

Which quickly degraded into...

Pinata Baseball

I'm so grateful that we decided to forgo the blindfolds.