Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I thought, "Did I leave them at home?!" I panicked thinking of my four children left alone for hours. What about Tess? What if she ate something out of the carpet and choked? What if DJ cut his feet with the pruning shears? What if Macey and Olivia left to find help and were wandering the streets? My heart raced. I couldn't get to my car fast enough.
That's when the cell phone that I use as an alarm clock rang and I woke up. I didn't just stuff my face with French toast? I haven't been at Target? I haven't lost my kids?
Guys, I am exhausted.
I do not feel like myself.
This afternoon I slaved over two loaves of whole wheat bread, put them in the oven, and then left for Relief Society. Anyone notice a key element of the baking process that I left out? Maybe removing the bread from the oven? I urned-BAY the ead-BRAY. ightly-SLAY. Stink-o-rama.
Like I said, I am not myself today. I have never typed anything in Pig Latin. Burning things, yes. Pig Latin, not usually.
Also, I was taking notes in political science today and I couldn't spell. I repeat, I could not spell. I kept mixing up letters or leaving letters out entirely. (If anyone out there knows what the word "Niskanen" means, please call or email me before May 6th.)
Do you guys ever feel off? Like some inefficient, disgruntled government employee has taken over your brain? I am having one of those days. One of those months.
I hope tomorrow is better.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sometimes children need to be punished and the usual beatings just don't cut it. Wisdom: Strap them into harnesses, attach them to bungee cords, and let 'er rip.
And if they still give you attitude, let Tess handle them.
Other notable Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken Wisdom:
Run away and join a travelling horse diving act. Your boss's son will be a hottie.
If you wrap your feet around the legs of your chair in an act of defiance, you can get pretty much whatever you want.
If a horse has colic you have to get wuter and oil into him.
It's okay if a guy says that word water "wuter," so long as he is handsome.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I would like to dedicate the following to my husband. I love Asians. I love DJ. The only thing that would make this better is if it involved cold cereal.
The following is for those of you who are neither Asian nor DJ, because I don't want to leave anyone out. And, it involves cold cereal.Watch for the random Cocoa Puffs around 2:10. There is something mesmerizing about this girl. If you're mesmerized, too, and want to hear more, look for them on YouTube. They are called Pomplamoose. They have a really fun version of Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel. They also have face-melting xylophone solos. Enjoy.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
(For those who are interested, I'm declaring this Sunday Easter Make Up Day because I spent the entire Easter...missing Easter entirely. I won't go into details, but I will tell you that it involved a freak strain** of the flu and I've lost like eight pounds, which I'm sure to pile right back on in observance of Easter Make Up Day. And I never want to see, smell, hear about, or think of spinach dip and crackers ever again for as long as I live, or in the hereafter.)
Here's another random Darrell story, for those of you who still wonder if I'm the crazy one or if he is:
DJ: "Elise! Have you gotten in my car yet?!"
Elise: "No. What? What's wrong with your car? Should I not be driving it?!" (I was wondering if the brakes were finally on their way out and I had just narrowly escaped careening through the In 'n Out drive through window. Imagine the flying paper hats and beef patties! And people!)
DJ: "If you see something gross in there...it's an orange. Don't throw it away!"
Elise: (incredulous silence)
DJ: "I forgot about it one day and it shrivelled up in the sun and I'm going to try to turn it into a maraca."
Elise: (looooong pause) "Seriously?"
Elise: "That's the only reason you called me? You were worried that I was going to throw away your rotten orange that you want to turn into a maraca?"
DJ: "Yeah. And I love you."
Elise: "Okay. Love you, too."
No further witnesses, your honor.
Any information leading to the whereabouts of said Croc will be rewarded handsomely.*** (What will become of Chancho's supersuit without his orange Crocs?!)
*"...and even though we ain't got money, I'm sooo in looove with you honey! Everything will bring a chain of loo-oooo-ove! And in the mornin' when I rise, brings tears of joy to my eyes..."
**As opposed to the non-freak strains of flu floating around out there.
***Reward: One half-eaten vat of spinach dip, which may or may not be contaminated with a freak strain of flu.