Friday, June 22, 2012

Why the world needs Fresca bottled with a cork

Pull out your party hats and your fancy pants, ladies. We're celebrating. But before I tell you why we're celebrating I will bore you with a speech.

I have been changing diapers for eight years, one month, and two weeks. If my calculations are correct we have spent roughly $4380.00 on diapers in the past eight years. Using that same math, DJ and I have changed 16,128 diapers, give or take. There have been times when I've had two children in diapers. There have been the blowouts. The soak-throughs. The trots. The "How'd a quarter get in there?!"s. The diaper contents that I STILL have nightmares about. It's been a long, soggy, smelly journey.

And it's OVER.

They need to sell Fresca bottled with a cork so that I'd have a cork to pop right now.

Are you guys interested in my potty training secret? It is this: procrastination. Procrastination is the theme of my life. Sometimes it works in my favor, like with potty training. Sometimes not, like when my power gets shut off because I put off paying the bill for, like, three months. Not because I can't, because I simply DON'T. That happened this week. Good thing I'm not home, eh? Not such a good thing for my sister who is housesitting for me.

The thing about procrastination is it is only effective if you procrastinate the right things. Here is a non-comprehensive list of things that should not be procrastinated: checking the mail, repentance, and having rapidly-growing moles biopsied.

If we had time I would tell the cautionary tale about the day (earlier this week) when I accidentally didn't show up for jury duty because I never check my mail and didn't know that I had been summonsed. Whoops. Sorry Judge Shumate. (No really, I am sorry that I missed jury duty. I love passing judgement on people. It's kinda my thing. What a wasted opportunity - and now I have to write a letter to the judge explaining my absence. That'll be fun.)

One more thing and then I'll let you get back to pinning stuff on Pinterest.

You guys. Do you realize that Wednesday was summer solstice?! The first official day of summer. And it was a GLORIOUS summer solstice in Seattle. The sun came out and it was a scorching 77 degrees. We had a picnic at Lake Washington with my brother Johnny and his wife Elizabeth to celebrate:

I'm serious about the corked Fresca thing. Someone at Coca-Cola needs to get on that.
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Tawny said...

Yeah congratulations Tess!!! And I am glad your solstice was balmy;)

Dianna said...

You're just plain funny, and I like it.

Paxton said...

Hooray! I am working on the "no diapers" thing currently, but every time I think he has it... he decides he doesn't like it any more. Seriously, annoying. Got any great tips oh wise potty-trainer of 4 kids? He knows how, he likes doing it, he does it for 3 days straight no accidents, then we both get lazy and he spends the next week telling me oops!

On another note, Seattle with sun... beautiful :-)
Glad it came out for you!

Anne said...

Can I take credit for a couple of diaper changes? Hahahahahahaha. Great Blog Elise. It would seem everyone was having a rough week.
Judge Shumate is a nice guy. He put up with my blonde brain when I changed my name back to Ramsell. Good luck with the letter, I don't think you'll be in that much trouble. Let's just hope Judge Shumate is having a good week!

Rebekah Rodriguez said...

"The sun came out and it was a scorching 77 degrees."
I actually laughed out loud at that part. 77 degrees is practically winter weather here in Laredo! Great to see you're enjoying Seattle.

Elise said...

Laredo sounds like a place I'd like. My hometown is a genuine scorcher, too, and I miss the heat desperately. :(