Thursday, February 23, 2012

I want to kill my dog.

Did you guys know that Winston Churchill suffered from depression? He called it his "black dog." It followed him around. If he was having a particularly down day he would say he "had a black dog on his back."

Guys, I think I have a black dog following me around. It's not a big dog - kind of a yippy little Scottish terrier. In the morning, it follows me around barking: "You can't do this anymore!" "You're failing as a mother!" "Your pants wouldn't be so tight if you would stop eating chocolate chip cookies!" And when I collapse into bed at the end of the day and close my eyes, I can hear him yipping at the foot of my bed: "You didn't do enough today!" "You are ruining your kids!" "You are thirty-one and you still have zits?!"

I hate this freaking dog.

He has been a particular nuisance of late. During the day I can drown him out with friends and children and running and housework and cracking jokes. But when the house is quiet in the morning or when I'm falling asleep he's still there, barking away.

I don't know why my metaphorical depression dog is male, but there it is.

I'm not trying to get sympathy from you guys. We both know that there are plenty of people in the world who are much more deserving of your sympathy. I'm just trying to figure out a way to kill this dog once and for all so that I can spend less time focused on myself and more time focused on other people.

I'm reminded of the time that DJ threw a frozen block of elk meat at our barking neighbor dog one night a few years back. He hit it in the head, the dog ate the meat (freezer paper and all), and we finally got to sleep. I guess what I need is a metaphorical frozen chunk of elk meat.


Marie Says Yes said...

this black dog category is yet another reason we honor Winston Churchhill. I think it's good to put that crapperific stalker in it's place: "DOWN BOY!!!" etc. I love you, Elise. I really do, even though we've met each other only one glorious day in Costco, I feel real friendship with you.
I appreciate your honesty. It takes some serious courage to be honest. I am going to think about this, and then get back to you. But I just didn't want another minute to go by without telling you that you make a difference for me. So thanks!

Dianna said...

I can't remember how I found your blog, but I love it. I think my cousin posted a link to it on Facebook. This is one of my favorite posts, so I had to comment on it. I have suffered from depression most of my life and this is an appropriate analogy - leave it to Mr. Churchill to come up with a good one. My therapist says that the only way to get that dog off my back is to make friends with it - kind of like what your husband did with the neighbor dog. I am still trying to figure that out every day, but between diabetes and depression, I have my work cut out for me. I hope you too can make friends with your Scottish terrier. Thanks for writing!

Jenn said...

I'm not going to give you sympathy. I am only commenting to tell you you need to check your email. I have sent you something that might make you laugh...or maybe it will make you go "hmmmmm." Actually I'm not sure what it will make you do, but I want you to see it anyway.

P.S. I hate dogs

Andi said...

for what its worth... you make me laugh. every day. Love you girl!! Hang in there. go drown that dog with a run and your ipod set so high you can't hear yourself think.