Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I'll Take "Things That Are Orange" for 500, Alex.

Today I'm going to talk about this fellow: His name is Darrell. In this photograph he is doing my favorite thing in the world, short of licking melted chocolate off of my fingers, whacking tubes of biscuits open, and singing "Danny's Song"* at the top of my lungs. He is filling Easter eggs with candy, people. Look at the happiness on that face. What a man.

(For those who are interested, I'm declaring this Sunday Easter Make Up Day because I spent the entire Easter...missing Easter entirely. I won't go into details, but I will tell you that it involved a freak strain** of the flu and I've lost like eight pounds, which I'm sure to pile right back on in observance of Easter Make Up Day. And I never want to see, smell, hear about, or think of spinach dip and crackers ever again for as long as I live, or in the hereafter.)

Here's another random Darrell story, for those of you who still wonder if I'm the crazy one or if he is:
The other day, DJ and I switched cars. It's a long story. Anyway, about ten minutes after he left for work he called me from his cell phone. Here is the transcript:
Elise, answering the phone after two or three (bzzzzzz!)s on the counter: "Hey, hon! What's uh..."
DJ: "Elise! Have you gotten in my car yet?!"
Elise: "No. What? What's wrong with your car? Should I not be driving it?!" (I was wondering if the brakes were finally on their way out and I had just narrowly escaped careening through the In 'n Out drive through window. Imagine the flying paper hats and beef patties! And people!)
DJ: "If you see something gross in there...it's an orange. Don't throw it away!"
Elise: (incredulous silence)
DJ: "I forgot about it one day and it shrivelled up in the sun and I'm going to try to turn it into a maraca."
Elise: (looooong pause) "Seriously?"
DJ: "Yeah."
Elise: "That's the only reason you called me? You were worried that I was going to throw away your rotten orange that you want to turn into a maraca?"
DJ: "Yeah. And I love you."
Elise: "Okay. Love you, too."

No further witnesses, your honor.

We interrupt this blog post for the following Important Bulletin:
The Other Half of This Pair of Orange Crocs:

Any information leading to the whereabouts of said Croc will be rewarded handsomely.*** (What will become of Chancho's supersuit without his orange Crocs?!)

*"...and even though we ain't got money, I'm sooo in looove with you honey! Everything will bring a chain of loo-oooo-ove! And in the mornin' when I rise, brings tears of joy to my eyes..."
**As opposed to the non-freak strains of flu floating around out there.
***Reward: One half-eaten vat of spinach dip, which may or may not be contaminated with a freak strain of flu.


Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

Thanks a lot, Elise! I'm nursing the little tyrant to sleep (BAD MOMMY!) It's, like, midnight, and he's FINALLY asleep and I read your blog and get to the part about the maraca and start laughing hysterically but try to hold it in so he doesn't wake up but then I start shaking even more (a laugh denied becomes more violent, you know). So of course he woke up and now I'm back to square two...

Thanks a lot! Really. That's the best thing I've heard tonight, and I watched new-to-me episodes of the Office.

Jenn said...

1st: Sorry you were sick.
2nd: I wish I knew where the missing orange shoe was.
3rd: I too love it when my husband finds joy is simple acts of kindness toward our children
4th: How long do you have to dry out an orange before you can make it into a maraca?
happy Easter Make up Day!

Kathy H. said...

Um if you lost 8 lbs I don't think there can be much of you left since you were thin as a rail the last time I saw you shopping for marshmallow mateys at walmart!

Davis family said...

I'm sorry you were sick. But I'm so glad you find humor in all things, because then you share it with me and I laugh really hard. and that is always really awesome. so thanks!

Tawny said...

If that spinach dip guarantees an 8 pound weight loss hang on to it for me for 5 more weeks and i will give it a go!!! (Should be really RIPE by then) :)

danielandjamaica said...

Elise, I will help you. Fondant is easy. It's like playdough. I make my own too so it tastes like marshmallows (and whatever you want to put in it).
Lets get together and come up with a plan.
862-9439 my cell

Cathy's Blog said...

Did you find the orange shoe yet? If not, where did he lose it? Was it at my house during the egg hunt? I will look for said shoe if it is still missing. But I have to warn you when things go missing at my house they sometimes are never seen again. I lost a new pair of glasses a couple of months ago and have searched high and low and still cant find them.

Elise H. said...

I think I might have found the missing shoe in the stroller this afternoon--I didn't even think to check if it was the left one. SOOO...I guess that makes me the prize winner, huh? Spinach dip-- HWuhhhh! (Isn't that just like life?)

Kathy H. said...

Maybe your glasses are at my house. Oh wait we've never met and you've never been to my house? I have a pair of glasses here that don't belong to any of us. Some poor child is probably in huge trouble for losing their glasses but since I don't know who they belong to I can't help that child out!

Elise H. said...

Somewhere there's a kid that is in SERIOUS trouble over those glasses. Bummer. :)

Jewels said...

You are so hilarious...I just love reading your posts! I had never heard about a molded orange turning into a maraca before, does this mean Salsa dancing lessons are next?