Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Interview with Elise

Hello Elise, you're looking fabulous in your Christmas sweatpants that DJ bought because he was tired of you always wearing his nasty Marine Corps sweats.
Thanks.  Do you have any questions for me?

Yes.  I saw you at Walmart buying a George Foreman grilling machine today.

That isn't a question, but it's true.  I bought a family-sized George Foreman grill today.  I considered waiting until I found one at a yard sale, but then I had this thought:  What if they used it to warm up their socks?  There's no way of knowing.  I can't live like that.

What else have you done this month?

We had family pictures taken.  Our photographer was really good.  She let us borrow her son's sock to sop the blood off of Tess's face after she hit a rock with it.  She assured me that the sock was freshly laundered--that's when you know you've chosen the right photographer.  She also takes nice pictures.

I see that you are sitting in the weeds.  Was that uncomfortable?

Yes!  But the fake smiling and posing was even more awkward.  Next year I will choose a location that ensures more genuine happiness, like the line for samples at Costco.

Or Baskin Robbins.


Have you made any resolutions for the new year?

Yes, but I will never divulge them because doing so guarantees failure, just like telling someone your birthday wish.  I've made one goal, however, that will require the assistance of my readers:  I want to learn how to sprout.  Like wheatgrass and stuff.  If anyone knows how to do that from home safely, let me know.  One time I accidentally sprouted corn in my carpet when I was nine years old, but that's a story for another day.

Gross.  How's the book coming along?

What book?

The one you told us you were going to write.

Oh, that book.  It was going swimmingly until the holidays struck.  I'm ready to jump back on the writing wagon, but I'm rusty.  Maybe I won't write a book.  Maybe I'll just focus on sprouting wheatgrass this year.

Well, it is healthy.  Last question:  What song has been stuck in your head all afternoon?

"Turning Page" by Sleeping at Last from the Breaking Dawn soundtrack.  That's right.  Breaking Dawn soundtrack.  Judge away, haters.  Judge away.


Marie Says Yes said...

Are you a fan of The Office? Remember when Michael grilled his foot on the george foreman grill? Haha! That is one of my favorite episodes, and let's face it, I've got them all memorized. If you don't know this episode, you must watch it -- STAT!!! It will change your life. Maybe.
Question: is it fair that you should look so beauteous, be so charming, make cakes, be hilarious, be writing a book, sprouting corn and other foods, AND have new sweatpants? I ask you.
Love the family picture. It was worth the weeds and the blood. How did you get DJ to be in it, though? The Double B avoids them at all cost! I think he might be ashamed?
Really do love it!

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

You are FUNNY. Thanks for the laugh. And I totally remember the corn incident. It was awesome, but your "take a lizard to institute" story is even better. It still makes me giggle.

Sorry I can't help you with your sprouting. I inspire plants to wilt, not sprout.

Good luck!

kessa lou said...

I totally sprout and could help you with your new year goal. This post made my day and I've read it to multiple people. Let's just say I'm proud to be semi-related to you, you are truly beauteous!

Paxton said...

Your photographer really was good! Beautiful picture!
Also, I love Costco for the samples too! My MIL has a card so I told her to take me anytime she goes shopping, and that's how I feed my kids lunch ;-)

Marie Says Yes said...

Dearest Elise,
Thank you for catching my " Ben " typo. I don't know who he is, either! Where would my blog be without you?

Jenn said...

so remember when you said we should get together when Jeff is slower at work, well he has and he is off on Saturday and if you bring your hubby and your kids we can show you the tray of wheat grass we have growing on our counter top and the ultimate Christmas gift that I got for Jeff, the jucicer that actually juices the wheat grass in to something your body can digest and benefit from.

How did you like run on sentence my grammar queen friend!

Can we get together on Saturday?