Thursday, December 1, 2011

a gift for all of us

Everyone (and by everyone I mean my husband) keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I've finally figured it out. Someone needs to figure out a way to duplicate me. Believe me, this will be a gift for all of us. I would like three clones of myself: one for cleaning my oven, one for figuring out how to make the wedding cake that I've been asked to make, and one for concocting the 20 table centerpieces that I've been asked to make for our ward Christmas party which falls on the same day as the wedding. Let's make this happen, people.


In related news, I've begun a new ritual wherein I wake up every morning at 4:00 and have a panic attack about the wedding cake and the table decorations and Christmas and the 2012 presidential elections and Darfur and melting polar ice caps and I don't fall asleep again until 3:45 in the afternoon when I'm on Bluff Street driving the carpool. It's exciting.

[Think of something witty to write here as a segue.]

Thanksgiving was awesome.

Since you guys are already busily discovering a way to duplicate me, can you figure out how to breed a five-legged turkey while you're at it? Between DJ and my four children there never seem to be enough turkey legs to go around. With the exception of Disneyland, I'm not a fan of the turkey legs. I'm not fond of being smacked in the face by snapping turkey leg ligaments. But the other people I live with? They're sickos.

After Thanksgiving we cut down our Christmas tree. It was kinda chilly in Pine Valley this year, so after searching for a while I decide to wait it out in the car with my kids, my Carpenter's Christmas CD, and my bag of mini old fashioned donuts. I gave DJ my full Christmas tree power of attorney.

I am an IDIOT.

He had to cut the bottom AND the top off to fit it in our house. Even then he had to snap it into place like one of those toilet paper dispenser things.

I guess that's all I've got to say today. Chancho keeps getting all up in my face and yelling "CAN I PLAY ANGRY BIRDS????" and blowing his bacon breath all over me. That's my cue.

Happy December, everyone!
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Hiram said...

He had to cut the bottom AND the top??? That doesn't make sense? Where does the Christmas Tree Topper go? Can't wait to see the follow up post where the bottom of the tree is yet again cut and there is a giant angel placed on top, with the Angel's dress covering where the top of the tree used to be.

Anyway! Alanna and I have recently found your blog and have been loving it! we've stayed up late reading it and it's been a great break from studying for finals. Thanks for the great change of pace.

Merry Christmas!

Alanna said...

yeah, I am totally your new blogger stalker. I even told a few of my friends to read it because they will just die you are so funny. For the past 3 days I have been cleaning like a maniac with "I don't wanna be a crappy housewife" running through my head! I think its my new motto in life.

Jenn said...

I'm not sure if that tree tops last year's tree...I loved last year's tree. I just hope the warm car and donuts were worth it. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

So, can I help with the centerpieces? I don't think I can do much about a wedding cake...but centerpieces are right up my ally. Call me!

Inspired Kathy said...

I want to see that tree decorated... maybe it will help.

Cathy's Blog said...

You are the one of the most artistic people I know and the cake and the table decorations will be a hit when you decide what to do for them, I have the utmost faith in you! You are awesome!! I however do not have an artistic bone in my body so I am totally jealous!! I can see why you want two or more of you you are so busy!! I wouldnt mind have an extra me to do all of my homework without procrastinating till the last minute!! Good luck with that and if you figure out how to clone yourself let me know!

Marie Says Yes said...

dear elise,
haven't you ever heard that hiding your light under a bushel is sometimes a good thing?
(disclaimer: that is false doctrine. just something to daydream about.)
put those talents in hiding, woman, and then no one will want them at all!
literally, this morning i woke up at four and BOOM! panicked. it must have been inspired by my desire to reach your level of awesomeness.

go, carpenters, go!