*The* Family Yard Sale

After listening to "The Lonely" for the three hundredth time, I decided to dust myself off and throw a yard sale with my mom and brother-in-law, Manny. [You are aware that one doesn't simply have a yard sale, right? It must be thrown, like a surprise party or a bottle rocket (if you're DJ).]

It was the event of a lifetime, if for no other reason than that I finally got rid of that "Lobsters" sign that I've tried unsuccessfully to sell in our last two yard sales. I got a dollar for it. Suckas! I would feel bad, except the girl who bought it was purchasing it as a prank for her friend. What does it say about my decorating that people buy my stuff to play jokes on other people? Well, joke's on her. That thing's like a bad penny.

(That red arrow isn't actually a part of our driveway, I painted that in to show the cursed "Lobsters" sign. That's it, in all of its tacky, kitschy glory. Now that I'm a little less tacky, maybe I'll take up yoga.)

The yard sale was also a success in that Macey was able to learn the values of hard work and capitalism (if your idea of hard work is having your mom bake a million muffins while you're at a play date and then sitting in a camping chair taking people's quarters). In that way, her experience was a microcosm of capitalism. I (the Chinese sweat shop laborer) toiled away making muffins while Macey jumped on her friend Abi's trampoline. Macey (Walmart) then sold my products and kept the quarters mostly to herself. Once again, joke's on her. I eat her Halloween candy after she falls asleep (keep an eye on China). The muffins were a hit. Macey made $30.85, plus ten Chilean pesos, which will come in handy if we're ever in Chile and want to purchase one tenth of a completo, Manny.

Another reason the yard sale was successful? I gained custody of my mother's coveted gravy-vomiting chicken. Behold:

She is now keeping watch over my family from her little roost above our cupboards...

...and the balance of tackiness has been restored. So much for yoga.