Saturday, March 26, 2011

A Miracle

The scariest thing about this ensemble? She didn't pick it out herself.

Now, down to business. Have you guys ever heard the John Wayne saying "Life's hard; it's harder if you're stupid"? I've discovered this past week that it's a wonderfully multi-purpose quote if you replace the word stupid with, for example, angry. Or grumpy. Or gluttonous.

Remember all of that rage I was feeling last week? Well, by Monday the pent up anger morphed into this black, looming cloud of depression, and by Wednesday night I was fit to be committed. I laid in bed, bawling my eyes out, angry at the world, angry at my dad, wondering what I had to live for, blowing my nose on the corner of my sheets. You think I'm joking? Unfortunately, no. It was frightening. It's amazing how quickly anger can suck the life right out of you.


My husband offered to give me a blessing (because his only other option was to smother me with my own pillow). I brushed him off at first, but he's DJ and he persisted. Because of the personal nature of the blessing I won't share too many details, but I had this realization: I was allowing myself to feel unnecessary anger and pain. That is what the Atonement is for. That is why our Savior did what he did--so that we don't have to feel that pain. I was reassured that I will never be abandoned by my Heavenly Father. The dark cloud lifted and all of the pain and anger went away. Just like that. It was truly a miracle.

And do you want to know the most annoying thing about this whole scenario? I already knew. I know about the Garden of Gethsemane, the cross, the tomb, the empty tomb. How is it possible to forget something so fundamental? I guess because I've only ever applied it to my life in terms of me being a sinner, not me needing to be healed.

And do you want to talk about divine timing? My parents' divorce was finalized the next day. I think that someone in heaven is aware of my needs before I am.

The take-home lesson? Don't waste your life away being angry. If you want to waste your life away, start watching Lost on Netflix.

Happy. Sunday.


The Paxton Family said...

I am so thankful that you have a persistent husband!ttrryrryrrRrrrryuytryteGtzXsGVV. V0FHFhFhfFhFfhfhdfhffhfhfhghrh
(That last was Mak cuz I set my phone down, and while I'm too lazy to delete it, I'm not too lazy to explain it... Go figure!)

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

I prefer to waste my life away watching Bones on Netflix. And eating.

I'm glad you're doing better. :-)

Cathy's Blog said...

Elisey Linna,
I am so glad your doing better!!! And I like Meegan would rather waste my life away watching Bones and eating!!
Yours isn't the only miracle happening these days, your cousin Melissa is going through a hard time right now and has found out that she needs the Saviors Atonement to heal her. Although she is still struggling with her issues she has been going to church every Sunday for the past month and is making remarkable strides spiritually in her life all because she has allowed the Lord to heal her.

Cathy's Blog said...

Oh and by the way Tess looks just like Janey!!! Wow I cant get over it!!

Hurst Family said...

Amen. Thanks for the reminder.

And I love LOST- don't love the end. But the rest is awesome.

Marie Says Yes said...

that picture is ... adorable. delectable.

i am so happy you had that experience, snot on the sheets and all. husbands can be convenient and useful sometimes, can't they. but he's really just the messenger, so really, Heavenly Father is so gracious and merciful, and when you have that spirit come and change your heart -- can't be beat.

the interesting thing about what you said is how you already KNEW -- but i agree, knowing something and EXPERIENCING something are two different things. To borrow from those wonderful born-agains "our God is an awesome God!"

Thanks for sharing. For real. This is a powerful experience. Love you! Thinking about you!