Thursday, March 10, 2011

Pinwheel Tutorial

To make your own Decorative Pinwheel Which Doesn't Spin, Thereby Defeating the Purpose of a Pinwheel (or DPWDS,TDtPoaP), you will need the following:

one square sheet paper which is cute on both sides

one dowel, painted to coordinate with your paper

your hot glue gun which has been missing since 2008

one button

one bag of Vanilla Creme Wafer cookies

one pair of child's safety scissors

To begin, eat some cookies while staring at your paper and wondering why you signed up to help with the Relief Society birthday party in the first place.

After you've come to terms with your own idiocy and general lack of craftiness, make a dot in the exact center of your paper.

Cut the paper diagonally from each corner, a half inch away from your center dot. Be sure to use child's safety scissors so that this portion of the project is as tedious and frustrating as possible. Make a mental note to buy a pair of real scissors.

Think, "Crap. I should've plugged in my hot glue gun before I drew my dot or cut my paper."

Plug in your hot glue gun and then use your free time to make a dent in the cookies.

You'll know when your glue gun is ready because it will smell amazing.

Glue every other corner wedge part onto the dot in the middle of the paper. This portion of the craft is easier is you employ your third arm. If you don't have three arms, make do with the two that you have and vow that if you're ever in charge of designing life forms they will be equipped with enough arms to do crafts without swearing!

While enjoying the smell of hot glue think, "So this is why so many Mormon women are into making crafts...."

Glue a button onto the middle of your newly-formed pinwheel.

Arrange your pinwheels on your countertops and then take a picture. Notice that you have two critically brown bananas in the bowl behind your mixer and like five books that you need to return to Tawny.

Glue a dowel onto the back of your pinwheel and arrange it in a flower pot leftover from the ward Valentine's dinner. Think, "I either need a smaller pinwheel or a larger pot, and I don't even give a crap."
Take a deep breath and blow on the front of your pinwheel. When your own hot cookie breath comes blowing back at your face from your unmoving pinwheel, vow to never again volunteer to be crafty.


Tawny said...

They look Awesome!!!!
Well done

Marie Says Yes said...


looks like you've got some serious skills, sista. almost as impressive as to compete with mine, but... not quite. i am the one l.d.s. women in the universe who can not beautify and replenish.

and i had to chuckle about creating three arms. i'm glad i'm not the only one to plan in case of future possibilites. in my own strategies, the physical infirmities will befall the male of the species.

glad we had this talk.
thanks for posting, you always make me laugh.

The Paxton Family said...

Hahaha, I about fell down laughing at this post! And for all your frustration and anger they are still 10 times cuter than I could have made!
P.S. Since it IS crafty and you made it you should enter it into a craft contest my friend is hosting, just link up and and you'll see why I want you to link it ;-)

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

There's a certain freedom that comez from acknowledging my complete lack of craftiness.

Pretty pinwheels, though. I'm surprised Chanco left them alone. :-)