To make your own Decorative Pinwheel Which Doesn't Spin, Thereby Defeating the Purpose of a Pinwheel (or DPWDS,TDtPoaP), you will need the following:
one square sheet paper which is cute on both sides
one dowel, painted to coordinate with your paper
your hot glue gun which has been missing since 2008
one bag of Vanilla Creme Wafer cookies
one pair of child's safety scissors
To begin, eat some cookies while staring at your paper and wondering why you signed up to help with the Relief Society birthday party in the first place.
After you've come to terms with your own idiocy and general lack of craftiness, make a dot in the exact center of your paper.
Cut the paper diagonally from each corner, a half inch away from your center dot. Be sure to use child's safety scissors so that this portion of the project is as tedious and frustrating as possible. Make a mental note to buy a pair of real scissors.
Think, "Crap. I should've plugged in my hot glue gun before I drew my dot or cut my paper."
Plug in your hot glue gun and then use your free time to make a dent in the cookies.
You'll know when your glue gun is ready because it will smell amazing.
Glue every other corner wedge part onto the dot in the middle of the paper. This portion of the craft is easier is you employ your third arm. If you don't have three arms, make do with the two that you have and vow that if you're ever in charge of designing life forms they will be equipped with enough arms to do crafts without swearing!
While enjoying the smell of hot glue think, "So this is why so many Mormon women are into making crafts...."
Glue a button onto the middle of your newly-formed pinwheel.
Arrange your pinwheels on your countertops and then take a picture. Notice that you have two critically brown bananas in the bowl behind your mixer and like five books that you need to return to Tawny.
Glue a dowel onto the back of your pinwheel and arrange it in a flower pot leftover from the ward Valentine's dinner. Think, "I either need a smaller pinwheel or a larger pot, and I don't even give a crap."
Take a deep breath and blow on the front of your pinwheel. When your own hot cookie breath comes blowing back at your face from your unmoving pinwheel, vow to never again volunteer to be crafty.