Wednesday, January 5, 2011

How to Save the World

Is it a bad omen that I've procrastinated making my New Year's resolutions?

I keep thinking, "I'd better hurry up and make some goals that I have no immediate plan to accomplish." For four days the guilt has weighed heavily on me.

Today as I sat in my car waiting for school to get out, with nothing to read but Love in the Time of Cholera, I decided that enough was enough. So, I wrote some goals in this tiny spiral notebook that I keep in my purse.

Here they are, not in order of importance:

1. Actually return my Netflix DVDs instead of letting them sit in my purse for two months.

2. Stop accidentally falling asleep on the Lovesac and then stumbling into the bedroom at two o'clock in the morning.

3. Never again make the mistake of buying one-ply toilet paper.

Hmmmm.

I guess that's as far as I got.

I've been thinking about this for at least a few minutes now, and I've decided on one New Year's resolution that will make all other resolutions hang their heads in shame. Like, all of the other resolutions will sit around and gossip about how smug my resolution is and how they're sure that my resolution has had "work" done. Here it is:

Save the world.

Like my mission president taught us, "If you fail to plan, plan to fail." Or maybe that was from a fortune cookie. Either way, it's sound advice. Here's my plan for saving the world:

1. Buy a cape and a unitard.

2. Learn to fly.

3. Be a good mom.

I think that about covers it. Maybe I'll just work on being a good mom, and if I happen upon a unitard on the clearance rack at Target, so be it.



P.S. Have I mentioned how I dislike the snow and the cold? Can we speed up this global warming process? I drive a Tahoe. I buy Chilean grapes. I'm doing my part. Come on, everyone! This is a goal I am positive that we can accomplish if we all pitch in!



5 comments:

Tawny said...

You are right!! As a fellow hater of snow/cold, I should contribute more to Global Warming. Step 1 Buy a Bigger car. Step 2 ask Elise what Chilean Grapes are!?!?

As for resolutions i am having the same problem... and I am totally struggling with the "good mom" thing.

Happy New Year!!

Hurst Family said...

I'm right there with both of you on the cold and not so great mommy category. Cheers to us! Tawny I think Chilean grapes are grapes grown in Chile. I'd like to just hibernate until all this cold business is over.

The Paxton Family said...

maybe if your wore real shoes, a cute scarf and nice warm isotoner gloves... you wouldn't be so cold ;-)

I'm a fan of the cold as long as there's snow to play in, no snow no cold :-P

Marie Says Yes said...

dearest elise,
i LOVE your new years resolution. so valid. so important. so attainable. and the target clearance rack? elise: we are a friendship made in clearance heaven! last year I only made one resolution because it was so lofty and noble. i bombed it! so hard core! so that was stupid. this year, it is attainable and would just be smart to do it anyway, so i feel great about that. i only wish I would have thought of saving the world. dangit!
yay global warming!
in conclusion, i want you to know i have your number wrapped around my drivers liscence. and we are going to hang, AND SOON. but maybe we should really just go and get stuffed french toast for ourselves, man. we'll decide. and it will be awesome.
i love you, elise!
maRetard.

The Paxton Family said...

p.s. Red Robin DOES give out free sundaes on your birthday! hooray! ALSO I just learned that the Red Robin here in St George has a kids night every tuesday from 6-8pm and it has face painting, bouncy house, FREE SUNDAES (for the kids/moms helping their little ones eat them) A fry eating contest, and balloons AND you get to meet Red Robin himself!
I am SOOOO there this tuesday! You in?