Friday, January 14, 2011

Ugh.

Before I start, I should warn everyone that I started a diet this week. I am hungry. I am grumpy. I'm eating 1700 calories a day, which is not enough. My body reminds me of this fact roughly every ten minutes.

"Eat something. See that banana? Eat it!" my body says.

"No. We're on a diet, and I already had a banana. Don't worry, for lunch in three hours we're going to have a tiny fajita with no cheese or sour cream," I tell my body.

Five minutes later

My body: "Ooo! You know what would be awesome? A Chocodile."

Me: "Nope. And I don't even know where to buy a Chocodile. We're just going to have a tall glass of water to curb the craving."

Me, after chugging a tall glass of water: "That sucked."

My body: "Red Vines! Beef jerky! Cinnamon roll! Something with layers and layers of melted cheese!"

Me: "I don't like you."

So anyway, I'm on the Grouch Diet and DJ keeps using my glass. I try to use the same drinking glass throughout the day; just doing my part to conserve water. I always put my glass in the same spot: on the counter to the left of the sink. Never on the back of the sink by the faucet, because that's where DJ always puts his glass, even though he never reuses it. (You know how therapists tell you that nobody "always" or "never"s? Bologna. DJ always puts his glass that he never reuses on the back of the sink.) So, I go to get a glass of water to curb my Nutella craving and I notice that my glass is on the back of the sink. So I get a new glass. I drink my nasty desert water and place my glass on the counter to the left of the sink.

A few hours later, I reach for my glass to find that it has mysteriously moved to the back of the sink next to three other glasses. So I get a new new glass. This process repeats eight times until we run out of glasses and move on to the mugs and I'm ready to carve my eyeballs out with a spork.

1700 calories. You know how many Double Stuf Oreos that is? According to the calculator on my phone it's 24.29 Oreos. That's like eight Oreos per meal. That sounds like a lot, but trust me. Trust me. It's not.

In closing, a little game that my friend Naomi started that I thought was a fun idea:

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I promise to send something handmade to the first 3 people who leave a comment here. To be eligible, you must also post this in your blog, offering the same thing to 3 other people. The rules are that it must be handmade by you and it must be sent to your 3 people *sometime* in 2011.
***

And some mildly amusing pictures of my kiddos:

8 comments:

Tawny said...

I am commenting because I have great faith in your handmaking Ability!!, Plus I live close so NO POSTAGE!!

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

What weight are you trying to lose? That extra molecule on your ankle? Eat the nutella! (this is why you are so svelte and I am....not)

Hurst Family said...

Sorry about the food woahs. And I totally GET the cup thing. Maybe you need to get a big ol' mug from the gas station and put butterflies and ballerinas on it and DJ might steer clear. Hm. Wish it would work for kids too. I end up with 5 gagillion cups all over the house because the chillens steal them and drink my water stealthily in their bedroom or bathroom or my room etc. At least you know where yours went :)

Melissa said...

Comment 4, man, I missed the giveaway, I love those pay it forward giveaways! Sorry about your diet, it would make me cranky too. I totally hear you about the glass thing except at my house it's the kids, specifically Kaitlin. Call me and lets do a playdate sometime!!

Cathy's Blog said...

I am with Meegan....what weightdo you have to lose??? I think you need to change your objective to eating more healthy and not dieting cause the way I see it you are skinny enough and you make the rest of us look bad!!!! So with that said go on to a website called loseit.com and you can record everything you eat every meal and it calculates all your calories you eat and the exercise calories you burn so you can eat more. So far I have lost 1 whole pound.(after last nights dinner at Bodies I probably put it back on).It is a cool site and you can be Bill,Guy,Bodie and my friend and we can watch each others progress and its like weight watchers so you have to account for everything you eat so it is a motivator. It doesn't,in case you were wondering, show your weight. It shows your loses and exercises you have done. It doesn't tell you how much you should weigh.You write down your weight and your goal weight and it tells you by how many pounds you want to lose a week when you will get to that goal. It is a great site and I think I need another girl on there with me. I wish however that you had as much weight to lose as me but that is ok I will live with it!!!!

The Paxton Family said...

We TOTALLY need to hang out! Seriously! I am trying so hard to do that calorie thing to! But by the time 6 rolls around I SUCK! Can I tell you how much irate counting calories! They add up SO fast :-P I read somewhere that a 2000 calorie diet is what you should eat only if you are SUPER active, like you live on a ranch or are a rock climber or personal trainer or something outrageous and the rest of us somewhat couch potatoes are supposed to survive on 1700 as a natural diet! I know, it's malarky! It is NOT surviving on so little, it's kind of torture! Good luck on your calorie torture!

Marie Says Yes said...

elise, DUH! no more dieting! eat the darn chocodile before I have to go find one for you! this is a terrible idea.

poor elise.

sometimes husbands really do always and never. the way the double b never hangs up his jacket even though i do if right in front of him. and i always huff when i do it.

is YOUR olivia reading olivia, too?!? MY olivia really thinks she is the pig olivia. i hear about her adventures all the time. cute.

Jenn said...

Wow, I really missed out on that one...maybe I can go to Tawny's blog and catch some of her homemaid goodness. Oh, wait, I got some of your home maid goodness on Sunday! Thanks by-th-way, I want that recipe, they were devine.

So, I have 30 baby pounds to loose, I only wish I was close to your point of being hungry...I can't even get myself to start!