Monday, March 1, 2010

Passive Aggressive Apologies and a GIVEAWAY!

I apologize in advance for the randomness of this post. I haven't even written it yet, but I feel that an apology will be in order. I have eaten a lot of plain M&Ms today.

I apologize, DJ, for studying late into the night and not saving any energy know...

I apologize, Professor Green, for not studying for my midterm. I'm just going to rely on my good looks for this one. That, and my natural genius (hey, they've gotten me this far...). I have better things to do tonight.

I apologize, Relief Society of the Snow Canyon 6th ward, for allowing the lesson I was giving on temperance to turn into a debate over the evils of cell phones. (Anyone else see the irony there?) I will work on my classroom management skills. [Elderly ladies: Cell phones are practical. Spring chickens: Try not to let your cell phone ring during church; it freaks the old ladies right out.]

I apologize, Readers of my Blog, for using terrible grammar and for never posting. And for not being Christ-like. And for posting a picture of the World's Ugliest Dog. And for not doing giveaways.

I apologize, Children of Mine, for yelling, being impatient, and all around ill-tempered. It isn't because I don't love you; it's because I'm still learning how to be a mom.

I apologize, February, for celebrating your passing. I think you're the most misunderstood of all of the months. However, you contain no food-centered holidays, you are cold and dismal, and no one likes you. Sorry.

I apologize, Person Who Sent a Fake E-mail to My Husband, for calling you crazy. I can understand how you might feel that my husband's Alaskan fishing lodge is a scam operation set up for the sole purpose of swindling you out of your money. You must have been truly concerned to go through the trouble of creating a fake e-mail account, sending a fake e-mail (in which you called yourself a "wealthy investor"; so very Cosmo Kramer), forming a posse, and cornering my husband in the parking lot like you were on 60 Minutes or Get Gephart or something. I apologize for calling you crazy behind your back. I wish I could have said it to your face.

I apologize, Ancestors, for not turning my heart to you. My fun (even though she's short) aunt Cathy sent me an e-mail with pictures of my grandparents and it made me wish that I had known them. I was really young when they passed away. These pictures made me wish that I knew more about them. Don't they look like fun?

I wonder if they would have hated cell phones.

Random Giveaway Announcement!

If you are interested in winning the rest of my Family Size bag of plain M&Ms, leave an interesting factoid about my grandparents in a comment. While supplies last. Don't Tweet about it because I'm not on Twitter and I won't even know how to find out about it if you did. You can post something about it on Facebook and if I see it I'll think it's neat, but it won't necessarily increase your odds of winning. Just saying.


Marie Says Yes said...

dear friend,
i apologize that i couldn't have been there to back you up in every one of those situations. cause dangit, i would have! your grandparents look AWESOME!

Davis family said...

to my sweet hilarious friend,
I would have backed you up too. also, I so enjoy your posts, I'm okay that they are random and only come when you feel like it. You are awesome.

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

Grandma came to my 4th grade classroom and did a clown show. It was awesome! As for grandpa, I remember once eating a steak with ketchup and then helping Grandpa load the dishwasher...and watching his face darken with rage when he came upon the ketchup-covered plate. Yeah, I don't eat steak with ketchup anymore. (I didn't 'fess up about it being my plate).

Cathy's Blog said...

Yes I am short and of course I am fun so I should win the token M&M's just for those reasons alone. But I will play by the rules and talk about your wonderful grandparents.
Your grandpa was mostly cranky but that is what I loved about him. Once when he saw me crying he asked me why my eyes were leaking. I guess he was trying to lighten up my mood. The comment made me laugh so I guess it worked.
Monna had a way of making me feel good about myself. I guess she knew my self esteem wasn't the best. When she lost something she would come to me and ask for my help and say, "you are so good at finding things will you help me find...." That would always make me want to look for her lost item. Most of the time I found it too! To this day when someone loses something I get the desire to look for it and I hear her words in my mind. I really miss them both so much!

Anonymous said...

Before grandpa died he said if he could change anything he would have spent more time with his kids. He has a really good name, I should know I have the same one.

Meegan Alfred said...

This is Jon...don't use good looks on a Prof...they're lonely old nerds and might take you up on an offer they TOTALLY misunderstood.

The stories here will turn your hair and women profs both!

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

DUDE!!! JON!!!! Stop hacking my accounts! :-). Man, I need to think of another password...

Elise H. said...

Meegan and Jon-- wowsers.

I don't really rely on my good looks in school. If I tried to, it probably wouldn't have the affect that I intended. Mostly I rely on my natural genius.

Jenn said...

What? chocolate isn't food?

And um, about RS. From a by-standers was rather entertaining. You must remember I have been in your shoes, even back when the ratio was biased to the elderly ladies. It was actually worse then! It's not your fault it got out of control.

Now I obviously did not know your Granparents, and yes they look like very cool people. But I really want those M& grandpa liked striped socks and your grandma was very proud of a little tree. (I of course mean no disrespect to your wonderful grandparents or your families beautiful memories written here...I just want the M&Ms!!!)