I apologize, DJ, for studying late into the night and not saving any energy for...you know...
I apologize, Professor Green, for not studying for my midterm. I'm just going to rely on my good looks for this one. That, and my natural genius (hey, they've gotten me this far...). I have better things to do tonight.
I apologize, Relief Society of the Snow Canyon 6th ward, for allowing the lesson I was giving on temperance to turn into a debate over the evils of cell phones. (Anyone else see the irony there?) I will work on my classroom management skills. [Elderly ladies: Cell phones are practical. Spring chickens: Try not to let your cell phone ring during church; it freaks the old ladies right out.]
I apologize, Readers of my Blog, for using terrible grammar and for never posting. And for not being Christ-like. And for posting a picture of the World's Ugliest Dog. And for not doing giveaways.
I apologize, Children of Mine, for yelling, being impatient, and all around ill-tempered. It isn't because I don't love you; it's because I'm still learning how to be a mom.
I apologize, February, for celebrating your passing. I think you're the most misunderstood of all of the months. However, you contain no food-centered holidays, you are cold and dismal, and no one likes you. Sorry.
I apologize, Person Who Sent a Fake E-mail to My Husband, for calling you crazy. I can understand how you might feel that my husband's Alaskan fishing lodge is a scam operation set up for the sole purpose of swindling you out of your money. You must have been truly concerned to go through the trouble of creating a fake e-mail account, sending a fake e-mail (in which you called yourself a "wealthy investor"; so very Cosmo Kramer), forming a posse, and cornering my husband in the parking lot like you were on 60 Minutes or Get Gephart or something. I apologize for calling you crazy behind your back. I wish I could have said it to your face.
I apologize, Ancestors, for not turning my heart to you. My fun (even though she's short) aunt Cathy sent me an e-mail with pictures of my grandparents and it made me wish that I had known them. I was really young when they passed away. These pictures made me wish that I knew more about them. Don't they look like fun?
I wonder if they would have hated cell phones.
Random Giveaway Announcement!
If you are interested in winning the rest of my Family Size bag of plain M&Ms, leave an interesting factoid about my grandparents in a comment. While supplies last. Don't Tweet about it because I'm not on Twitter and I won't even know how to find out about it if you did. You can post something about it on Facebook and if I see it I'll think it's neat, but it won't necessarily increase your odds of winning. Just saying.