Thank you, Coral Cliffs Elementary for providing me with the following entertainment:
6:00 p.m.- I was making smoothies and 'dillas for dinner. Macey was watching. "Mom," Macey asked, "Did you know that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves?"
"Yeah. That's pretty neat, huh?" I responded and went back to the blender, "Do you know what a slave is?"
Macey, after thinking for a second, "Umm....a bad person?"
Elise: "GAH!" I was then forced into a ten minute explanation of slavery in five-year-old terms. I'm pretty sure Macey considers herself a slave now. And she'll probably be afraid of kidnappers for the rest of her life. And plays (more on that later).
6:16 p.m.- As I was peeling a banana, Macey asked, "Mom, did you know that Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth president of the United States?"
Me: "No, I didn't." Inwardly I was thinking about how Macey is already starting to know more than me.
6:24 p.m.- While sipping her smoothie Macey launched into the following speech: "Mom, did you know that Abraham Lincoln was born in the wilderness and lived in a log cabin and had to read by the light of a fire and his mom had to teach him because they didn't have a school?"
"Huh." I responded, trying futilely to ward off brain freeze.
6:28 p.m.- Macey says in her most grave voice, "Mom. Abraham Lincoln was shot and killed."
"Yeah. Do you know where he was when he was killed? At a PLAY. The guy who killed him was... ... ..." (This is where my mind went blank.) "It wasn 't Lee Harvey Oswald...umm...And I KNOW that Benjamin Gates' ancestors had nothing to do with it..."
Normally when I'm faced with a question of this nature I will simply text Jon and Meegan and see who responds first. I wanted to remember it on my own so I spent the remainder of the evening trying to remember who shot Abraham Lincoln. I couldn't focus on anything without Abe Lincoln's nameless assassin interrupting my thoughts.
9:31 p.m.- The kids were in bed, DJ was doing his homework on the computer and I was reading recreationally. (I know. It's been so long! Blasted homework.) The house was so quiet you could hear the cursing of the gnats that were hitting our porch light. "JOHN WILKES BOOTH!" I proclaimed victoriously.
John Wilkes Booth, everyone.