Monday, December 14, 2009

I'd like a different card, please.

Macey failed her first test at school. FAILED. She bombed this test with such flair that the woman who administered the test sent a letter home in Macey's Tinkerbell backpack. It was in a sealed white envelope with the words "To the parents of Macey Haynes" in serious elementary school cursive on the front. When Macey handed me the envelope my stomach dropped down around my kneecap region. I had the same nauseated feeling that I used to get when I didn't have my homework done (read: most of high school). My hands trembled as I tore the letter open and read the following:
Dear Parents, (breathing into brown paper bag)

Your child's vision was recently evaluated...

Whew!
I let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank heavens it's not her BRAIN. It's just her EYES. She failed a vision test.

According to the person who administered said eye exam, Macey's vision is 20/50 in her right eye and 20/70 in her left. [Sidenote: I have NO IDEA what these numbers mean.] Since my vision is *perfect* and the idea of Macey's vision being impaired has not once crossed my brain, you can imagine the frenzy of highly accurate, mom-administered vision tests that ensued. ("Hey Macey, which number is the big hand on the clock it pointing to?" Macey, squinting her eyes and inching closer to the clock, "Three? Nine? Can I have some candy?")

After I finished my battery of vision tests, I gave Macey some candy and began some serious thinking, the kind of thinking that can only be done whilst eating fudge made by your sister's boyfriend Frank. [Another sidenote: If your sister doesn't have a boyfriend named Frank who makes you fudge, how do you get any thinking done?]

Here is the nutshell version of my thoughts: In life, we're all moving our pieces (I'm the silver tophat) around the board and sometimes we land on the square that says to draw a card. Sometimes the card is good ("You won a beauty contest. Collect $50."), sometimes the card is crappy ("Your daughter inherited your dad's terrible eyesight. You must schedule an eye exam and will probably have to buy glasses that will be cute but that you can't afford. Pay $400 to the nearst optometrist who is already wealthy and doesn't need it.") I'm going to sneak my card back under the pile and hope that I win the beauty contest.

9 comments:

Kathy H. said...

Love the picture! Kylie failed her eye exam too. She was so excited to get glasses. Got to the eye Dr. took the exam - She has perfect vision! She was so bummed to not get glasses the Dr. gave her some frames to pretend.

Tawny said...

She will be beautiful in glasses. But i agree with Kathy. School administered test are not very accurate. Shop around find someone who will do an inexpensive eye exam, and THEN worry!!

bodie&jean said...

I got my first pair of glasses when I was in third grade. They were plastic rainbow colored glasses. I thought they were so cool(I'm thankful my mom was not a big picture taker). I'm still amazed by what I've been missing whenever I get a new pair of contacts. I'm jealous that people with perfect vision can see this way ALL THE TIME.

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

As someone who has actually administered school eye exams...yeah, it's not over until the guy with the letters after his name says she needs glasses.

On the up side, we took Ethan to WalMart and were able to get glasses and lenses for way cheap. Of course, you're still spending money when you buy something on sale...

And last...NICE JOB WITH THE PAINT SKILLS! It's fun, huh?

elise and co. said...

Why are schools performing these eye exams that produce so many false positive results? It seems...mmm...USELESS. I'm not scheduling an doctor's appointment right away. I'm going to continue to test her from home. :)

Jenn said...

Then why do they even administer them, if they are so falty? Sam failed hers too! Why did we marry men with bad eyes sight, the only reason Jeff's eye sight is better then mine now is because he has had lasik. Jeff's Dad is a retired Optomitrist, if I find a good deal at his old practice I will tell you!

bodie&jean said...

Hmmm, I missed alot of stuff in school not having glasses or contacts. It may cost a bit to check it out and actually get glasses but i do think it would be worth it. I cross my fingers that my girlies end up with Bodie's good vision.

Meegan, the Evil Stepmother said...

Do you want to know something hysterically funny? I never failed an eye screening and my eyes are 20/450 and 20/600. I guess I just couldn't stand the idea of failing a test...any test. :-) And I think the school's idea is "better a false fail than a kid who struggles 'cause s/he can't see.". Oh well. It sucks that it adds to your stress...especially since Macey definitely is NOT struggling. :-)

elise and co. said...

Wow, Meegan-- 20/600?! When you finally got glasses were you like, "Is that Alpha Centauri???!!" I don't know how to spell that, but you get the idea. I love Brian Regan. "How can instantly improved vision NOT be at the top of your to-do list?"