Sunday, July 22, 2012

You can take the girl out of Utah...

In a rare bout of job-laziness, my husband took the night off last night so we headed to downtown Seattle for an adventure. Here are my husband and kids seeing the sights:

For the carousel portion of the festivities I passed my family photographer duties off to DJ:

"I couldn't get it to focus," he said.

So it appears.

Anyway, after the carousel we made our way back to our car because it was getting dark and we wanted to get home to my stash of See's candy and our Hulu account. (Most people don't know this, but if you neglect your Hulu account it will get depressed and eventually die, just like a Giga Pet.) Unfortunately, when we climbed into our trusty Tahoe we found that it had a dead battery. Like, deader than a doornail.

This is where a normal family outing turns edge-of-your-seat thrilling. DJ called a co-worker to come give us a jump start. The following events transpired in the ninety minutes or so that it took for him to find us:

It got dark.

My four children got edgy and scared which forced me to sing "Call Me Maybe" and primary songs at the top of my lungs to calm them down.

DJ asked everyone who passed us for a jump start. As it turns out, Seattle folk are surprisingly skittish of Mormon guys with missionary hairdos, polo shirts, and children. This explains Mitt Romney's unpopularity with the locals, I suppose.

A terribly unconvincing transvestite walked by.

It got darker.

A homeless man parked his shopping cart right next to my window. DJ asked him if he had jumper cables and he told DJ that George Bush took his house, his job, his wife, and his car. Then he changed his shirt in front of us and left. He did not have jumper cables. I'm sure George Bush took them.

A carload of African American youths slowed down next to DJ and yelled, "What you lookin' at white boy?!" out of their rolled-down window. Remember, I am only presenting the facts for your interpretation.

Macey asked, "What if we never get home?!" for the 300th time, forcing me into another round of my Carly Rae Jepson/Janice Kapp Perry repertoire. My voice got very tired.

I heard the unmistakable sound of trickling water in the third row (i.e. No Man's Land) followed immediately by Chancho yelling "Tess is peeing!"

It got darker. And then finally...

The Vivintmobile arrived!

I have never been happier to come home to our dinky little apartment.
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Meegan Alfred said...

If you had sung this verison someone would have helped you

Marie Says Yes said...

oh my. goodness.
i'm so glad i wasn't there, or you would have been singing to me, too. that george w bush. what a thief!!! i know you've always wanted a homeless peep show. congratulations on that and your recent induction into racial profiling.
so glad you survived!

Paxton said...

hahahahaha! oh my gosh, I about died laughing because I have had SO many experiences like that in Seattle! Never without a dead battery, but somehow Jordan and I always end up in "that" part of Seattle... ie, the tourist-y part that you think would be a little nicer after dark, but isn't...
:-) Call Me Maybe is the first song that came to your mind to calm your kids? ...hmmmm maybe not what you should be singing around the bums of Seattle, they might take you to heart ;-)

Anne said...

This happened to me a few weeks back. Only, I had daylight and a couple of Costco guys to push me out of the gas station at Costco. Luckily, Frank was just down the road at BioLife. Now I always park my car so that another car can help jumpstart my car. AAA was not available - panic attack, since I no longer have a husband to save my hide.
How long did it take the little Vivint mobile to get your big Tahoe going? Ha. I especially loved that Chancho was alerting the public, once again, that Tess was a mess!