Thursday, March 22, 2012

I don't want to be gross.

This week I wrote about spring cleaning over at St. George News. What you won't see in this article is my somewhat immature booger wisecrack because it was edited out. 

I think my kids have ruined me. 

I used to be disgusted by things like boogers and toilet contents and vomit. Now it's just a part of my day, like high heels and manicures are for fancy people. For example, I took Chancho and Tess to the park in Little Valley today. A while into it I noticed that Tess was chewing a piece of gum - a piece of gum that she must have discovered on the ground or stuck under the slide or something. Disgusting? Absolutely, but what can you do? I pulled the gum out of her mouth and threw it in the trash immediately, of course, but it didn't freak me out like I know that it should have. Maybe because she's done it before - the gum thing, I mean - and later that day she was doing this:
She is obviously a healthy, well-adjusted child.

This morning I babysat these legs:
They are attached to my nephew Nathan. They're not so much legs as they are flailing balls of baby flesh, but I digress. Nathan is a barfer. Some babies do that - they vomit more than others. I don't hold it against them, it's just one of the many defects in their tiny, undeveloped bodies. Anyway, this morning Nathan threw up on my shoulder. A nice thick, white, slimy baby spit up. But I didn't hustle to clean myself off like I would have a few years ago. In fact, I half-heartedly wiped it off of my shoulder and kept playing with him for a while before I finally got in the shower.

What this really is is a cry for help. I don't want to be gross. My fear is that one day I'm going to look in the mirror and find that I've turned into one of those girls who eat ants just to shock the other campers. I knew a girl who did this when I worked at Beaver High Adventure Base that one summer. Her name was Erin and she ate ants. Not the little ants, either - she ate the fleshy, horse-sized ones. She claimed that they tasted like green apple Jolly Ranchers. I wonder if she's still alive.

I don't want to be an ant eater, guys. Will you remind me of this when I post pictures of my own zits and tell stories about boogers? Thanks.


Paxton said...

I feel you there! Especially when one of my kids finds candy on the ground and swallows before I can pull it out, then I shrug and other mothers pull their kids away from mine.... Oops I am totally THAT mom. :-P

Paxton said...

P.S. we're going to Milwaukee this summer. :-) sorry to keep you waiting I just didn't want to deal with all the hoopla if anything changed you know? :-)