And *then*...

New Year's Resolution: Save the world via being a better mom.

Status: Failure. Utter, complete, dismal, smelly failure.

I was late picking Olivia up from school yesterday by (shh...) forty five minutes. (Don't worry, I dislike myself enough for the both of us.) It was a short day. I forgot. The ringer on my cell phone is broken. It was the perfect storm. She was in tears, they had to bring Macey into the office to console her. The scene when I arrived made me want to run headfirst into a brick wall.

Also, my kids are all approaching death by flu and double ear infection. And eczema. This is what I discovered at the doctor's office yesterday. "Your daughter's ears are both horrifically infected and, by the way, your lotion is aggravating her eczema," Dr. Jay said. "Tess has eczema?" was my reply. "(mouth hanging open)"

That was yesterday, let me tell you about today.

I sent my kids to school. Went running. On my way out the door to get Olivia from Kindergarten (on time!), Tess vomited all over my porch and feet. Hosed it off. Still managed to pick Olivia up on time. I felt like Wonder Woman.

And then, my diet was sabotaged by the Albertson's Gas Station Donut Marketing Department. Evil geniuses, they are. (Yum donuts!)

And then, I picked up a Hot 'n Ready pizza with a side of Crazy Bread and Crazy Sauce for lunch.

And then, I was involved in a three car pileup on Sunset Boulevard. I was waiting to turn left. Grandma was in the passenger seat holding the pizza and Crazy Bread. Tess was passed out in the back seat next to Olivia. And then some dude trying to cross Sunset cut off this other car, she crashed into his car, which then crashed into my Tahoe.

(And would you like to know what flashed through my mind in that slow motion second when I saw those cars screeching toward us? Not my life. Not the safety of Grandma and my children. It was this: "Aw, crap! We just paid it off!"

Yep.

We just got the title for our car last week. My children could've easily been at death's door and I was peeved that my newly paid-for car was getting crunched.)

And then, while I was waiting for the policemen to do whatever it is they do at the scene of an accident, the school called to tell me that Macey was barfy and needed to be picked up, ASAP.

And then, we cleaned the Crazy Sauce off of Grandma and left for the school and on the way there my sister-in-law called to tell me that Chancho had just vomited all over the McDonald's Playplace. Sweet!

And then, we got home and Tess screamed at me for an hour for putting her medicine in her ears.

The moral of the story: Making a resolution to be a good mom is like unto praying for patience. Bad idea.