Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My shrink said to make lists.

Five Rules for life:

1. Never grocery shop while hungry.
2. You can't trust movie ratings.
3. That green paste they give you with sushi is too hot.
4. Please pull forward to the second window.
5. Don't write on your blog when you're feeling lonely/angry/depressed/psychotic.

(On Saturday my only brother got married and I was stuck in Trashville. I threw a pity party and no one showed up, but it's okay. The hors d'oeuvres were gross anyway. I've had very little sleep this month. My car smells weird. My earrings make my earlobes itch. Macey needs glasses. I live in Nashville. DJ is always at work. I found my kids mimicking my self-destructive behavior: My family found someone to stand in for me in the wedding pictures. Commence blogicide. And, no, I'm not pregnant.)

This picture brings four things to mind:
1. Kristen, my understudy and cousin, looks just enough like me to trick my posterity into thinking I was skinny and well-adjusted.
2. I'm the only Abrahamson female with the chest of a twelve-year-old. BOY.
3. Hey... aren't we supposed to be blonde?
4. I should utilize a stand-in more often.

Three places where I would use a stand-in:
1. The treadmill.
2. Wal-mart.
3. Rhymes with "map" and ends with SMEAR.

From Macey's backpack, her list of Top Ten Foods I Like:
1. Ches (cheese)
2. ice crem (ice cream)
3. Soda
4. Frit (fruit)
5. Pasta
6. Pie
7. ChesBrgr (cheeseburger)
8. hony (honey)
9. aPlle (apple)
10. caNDy

(11. Insulin. It's a food, right?)

Top five "Bad Mom" moments:
1. Finding Macey's food list.
2. When the tooth fairy stayed up too late playing Skip Bo with DJ and forgot to visit Macey, so she had to write a letter containing really bad poetry on the fly in her bathroom at seven o'clock in the morning to placate her disappointed daughter. It went like so: "Dear Macey, I'm sorry I didn't take your tooth late last night--I feel just awful about my oversight. The Tooth Fairy Queen said, 'Make up for her trouble. Go over there and pay Macey DOUBLE!' I love you Macey! From, the Tooth Fairy." Luckily, the Tooth Fairy incident didn't occur in 2009. We would have been ewed-SCRAY.
3. While book browsing Chancho yells, "Mom! Looooook! Twilight!"
4. From Netflix: "You recently watched: Thomas--Kipper--Kipper--Thomas--Arthur--Thomas--Kipper...."
5. Dinner: watermelon and birthday cake.

Seven things I'm grateful for:
1. My brother married a girl who looks as cute as her name (Elizabeth Jane). One day I'll meet her.
2. Even though I don't get to use it as much I'd like, I have a bed to sleep in.
3. My car may smell like a Dumpster, but I have a car.
4. Even though they're itchy, I'm glad I have earlobes because my ears would look incomplete without them.
5. My kids, even though they are expensive and hog the laptop.
6. DJ is always working because he has a job.
7. I live in Nashville, but at least I'm alive.


Tawny said...

Tried to call...forgot about the whole timezones thing....sorry.
I love that the chilluns line up so nicely to watch the laptop!!

Jenn said...

So am I aloud to ask Tawny for your phone number for the third time. Or is there a limit on how many times I can unresponsibly loose someone's phone number before I am rejected as a friend? I wished I had called you.

1) You have the most beautiful kids in the world.
2) Sammy will love that Macey needs glasses too. Don't feel bad, we had to wait months before we had the money to get Sam glasses. Who knows how she ever saw the board at school.
3) UM....are you not nursing any more? Because it was not the chest of 12 year old that I remember!
4) I'm sorry that you missed the Wedding.

Davis family said...

#12 marshmallow mateys!! Love ya girl!! Hang in there.

Marie Says Yes said...

yes, you are alive. thank heavens i can still refer to "my internet friend elise!"
and your house is SO CLEAN. what the heck?!

Elise said...

Jenn-- my phone number is 435-467-5494, please call me! I will post this on your blog, too, just in case you don't recheck comments. Everyone else, save for the crazies, is allowed to call me. I am on central time. Keep that in mind. ;)

Marie, My Internet Friend--my house does indeed have the appearance of cleanliness, doesn't it? I'm so sneaky and crafty with my framing! Anyhoo, all of my clutter is in a storage unit in St. George. And if you ever visit my house on a Sunday morning, you won't be able to find me in the mess.

And to all of my other friends/family members-- thanks for talking me down from the ledge. It's nice to be back blogging from my long, four day absence. :)

Anne said...

Aww Elise. Don't make me cry! Here's one more blessing for DON'T live in an RV. Your house IS always clean and you have smart beautiful kids - just ask Macey Bella, Livvy, Chauncho and the Tess! I want to hold her....

kessa lou said...

i am also glad your back, you make me laugh and wish that i was as creative as you. i can't think of a single thing to blog about that anyone would actually care about, hence no new blog entries :)

Cathy's Blog said...

Dearest Lisylinna,
I must say that I am sooooo happy that you didn't stop blogging, FBing, texting, etc. I miss you and wish you were here but your blogs keep me informed since I don't ever call or write you. One day you will be back in dry, hot St. George with your crazy family again. Your blogs always, always make me smile. Another blessing is you are not going through mental pause and it really really sucks bad. One day you will but that is far into the future.....Thank goodness. I have been a crazy lunatic that past few months. Crying, angry, biochy and suicidal!!! Well not suicidal but at times wish I could just disappear!!! The mood swings are driving me crazy!!! PMS was a cake walk compared to this. I love you Elise!!!