Five Rules for life:
1. Never grocery shop while hungry.
2. You can't trust movie ratings.
3. That green paste they give you with sushi is too hot.
4. Please pull forward to the second window.
5. Don't write on your blog when you're feeling lonely/angry/depressed/psychotic.
(On Saturday my only brother got married and I was stuck in Trashville. I threw a pity party and no one showed up, but it's okay. The hors d'oeuvres were gross anyway. I've had very little sleep this month. My car smells weird. My earrings make my earlobes itch. Macey needs glasses. I live in Nashville. DJ is always at work. I found my kids mimicking my self-destructive behavior: My family found someone to stand in for me in the wedding pictures. Commence blogicide. And, no, I'm not pregnant.)
This picture brings four things to mind:
1. Kristen, my understudy and cousin, looks just enough like me to trick my posterity into thinking I was skinny and well-adjusted.
2. I'm the only Abrahamson female with the chest of a twelve-year-old. BOY.
3. Hey... aren't we supposed to be blonde?
4. I should utilize a stand-in more often.
Three places where I would use a stand-in:
1. The treadmill.
3. Rhymes with "map" and ends with SMEAR.
From Macey's backpack, her list of Top Ten Foods I Like:
1. Ches (cheese)
2. ice crem (ice cream)
4. Frit (fruit)
7. ChesBrgr (cheeseburger)
8. hony (honey)
9. aPlle (apple)
(11. Insulin. It's a food, right?)
Top five "Bad Mom" moments:
1. Finding Macey's food list.
2. When the tooth fairy stayed up too late playing Skip Bo with DJ and forgot to visit Macey, so she had to write a letter containing really bad poetry on the fly in her bathroom at seven o'clock in the morning to placate her disappointed daughter. It went like so: "Dear Macey, I'm sorry I didn't take your tooth late last night--I feel just awful about my oversight. The Tooth Fairy Queen said, 'Make up for her trouble. Go over there and pay Macey DOUBLE!' I love you Macey! From, the Tooth Fairy." Luckily, the Tooth Fairy incident didn't occur in 2009. We would have been ewed-SCRAY.
3. While book browsing Chancho yells, "Mom! Looooook! Twilight!"
4. From Netflix: "You recently watched: Thomas--Kipper--Kipper--Thomas--Arthur--Thomas--Kipper...."
5. Dinner: watermelon and birthday cake.
Seven things I'm grateful for:
1. My brother married a girl who looks as cute as her name (Elizabeth Jane). One day I'll meet her.
2. Even though I don't get to use it as much I'd like, I have a bed to sleep in.
3. My car may smell like a Dumpster, but I have a car.
4. Even though they're itchy, I'm glad I have earlobes because my ears would look incomplete without them.
5. My kids, even though they are expensive and hog the laptop.
6. DJ is always working because he has a job.
7. I live in Nashville, but at least I'm alive.