First, I came home from my morning run (a.k.a. "I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie! SomeonepleaseSHOOTme!" party) the other day and found Tess all suited up for a day of critical toddler business:
Pink felt frog jammies? Check. Blue lame and tulle skirt? Check. Teal cheetah print fairy wings? Check. All right! Let's go unroll an entire roll of toilet paper and then eat some lip gloss! Next, my husband put this tree out of its misery:
And then we brought it into our home for further humiliation and torture:
We chose this tree for many reasons. 1. We were tired of looking and looking for a cone-shaped pinion pine 2. We are tired of our kids yanking the ornaments off of the bottom half of the tree. 3. I felt bad for it. 4. Maybe Santa can fit a beach house under there? 4. I wanted to go home. Voila!Sometime undetermined amount of time after that, I found warts on my favorite yellow cleaning gloves. I then found my camera, went to the room in my house that has the best natural lighting, and took a picture of my warty gloves:
(Do you think household cleaners that give your gloves WARTS are bad for the environment? I can think of no other plausible explanation for these glove warts. I can tell you one thing, though, I'm calling those babies my GLORTS from now on.)
And now, the grand finale. I would like a drumroll, so if you don't have a snare drum handy you're going to have to do that thing with your tongue. Ready? And, DRUMROLL!
(Do you think household cleaners that give your gloves WARTS are bad for the environment? I can think of no other plausible explanation for these glove warts. I can tell you one thing, though, I'm calling those babies my GLORTS from now on.) And now, the grand finale. I would like a drumroll, so if you don't have a snare drum handy you're going to have to do that thing with your tongue. Ready? And, DRUMROLL!
B-D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d......
If I had any delusions about being the coolest parent at my girls' school, I don't anymore. Not since I saw this little yellow humdinger parked in the kindergarten pickup zone. Who picks their kid up from school in a Lamborghini? Cool rich people, that's who. I bet it doesn't even smell like stale French fries.
6 comments:
That is the COOLEST. TREE. EVAR!!!!!!
I especially love how it brazenly has a bare trunk, while the other Christmas trees modestly cover theirs. I just hope the other trees don't get all judgmental and talk about it when it's not around...also that you get that beach house...and invite me...
And....a Lamb Borg Eenie?? Seriously? At least drive something inconspicuous to the meeting about your kid's bad behavior....like a helicopter....
That car was in our neighborhood? Wow! for a second I thought you had taken a road trip to San Diego!
I have already told you how much I love you trees (yes last years too!) and really you don't need to act like you were forced in to a pity tree party. Yes, I didn't have to climb a mountain in the snow to get my tree (Jeff just pulled it in from the garage), I didn't have to lug it into the house and try to level it in a tree mount,(I sat on the couch while Jeff pieced it together), I didn't have to wire it with lights (they were magically already there!) BUT (and it's a big BUT) I belive every misshapen, long trucked pine needs a loving home. And you are that kind, and Wonderful person who can have a tree like that in their home and even make it look cool! I am envious of you and your tree!
you are my funniest vicarious friend ever.
thank you oh thank you for making me laugh today!
And BOY do I have just the ornament for you!!!! Come and GEEEETTTTTTT it! LOL Gotta love that Tess!!
I want to give the whole kindergarten class a handfull of unwrapped hershey kisses and then tell them that Santa is outside in a yellow car, but they'll have to look inside!! :)
That tree is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.
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