A Rare Look

Have I been eating M&M's by the fistful?

Yes.

Should that keep me from writing?

Probably.

Am I still going to write something because I don't care what people think, plus I'm riding an M&M high?

Oh, you bet your booty!

(I don't understand the saying "you bet your booty," but it can't imply anything wholesome. Prostitution. Piracy. You name it.) Enough stalling. Elise, if your walls could talk, what would they say?

They'd say, "Get. Your kids. OFF of me."

Were you the last person in the world to read Mockingjay?

Second to the last--DJ still hasn't read it. We were supposed to read it together, but I cheated. Don't tell him, he'll be so mad.

How did you like it?

I liked it just fine. (!!SPOILER ALERT!!) Is it just me, or was there not enough closure, like the author had to cram two books into one? And a randomly placed period at the beginning of a paragraph on page 387, about which every editor at Scholastic is palm-smacking their foreheads? I'm glad Katniss ended up killing President Dial. I'm glad she ended up with Peeta. There just wasn't enough dialog in the ending for my taste. I was thoroughly entertained, though. I read it all day yesterday.

And what were your kids doing while you were reading?

Piggy back rides.

Where does Macey get her brute strength from?

It's a Haynes thing. My sister-in-law Tisha is freakishly strong like that. I arm wrestled her once; I won't make that mistake again.

Why did this go from a self-conducted interview to a two-person interview?

Huh?

Ugh. You idiot. So, how's potty training DJ going?

I got him some Thomas the Train undies today; he has soiled every last one of them.

Are you sure that's how you're supposed to use a semi-colon?

No, but I don't care; semi-colons make you look smart.

What else did you do today?

I went running. I made whole wheat buttermilk pancakes. I went to Walmart. I sat in the bathroom watching DJ sit on the Elmo potty chair, playing with his dingy. I changed wet underwear (not mine) four minutes later. I went to vacuum my car but decided I wanted to save my quarters for a rainy day, so I just threw my trash away instead. I picked up my girls from school and made a new list of goals on the back of an envelope while I waited. I supervised homework time. Baked a lasagna. Mailed some bills. Packed tomorrow's lunches. Ate like three pounds of M&M's. What did you do?

Pretty much the same thing, thanks for asking. When you see your daily activities compiled into a short paragraph like that, do you wonder why you didn't go to law school?

Sometimes. But then I think of my new friend, Hiroe ("Hee-ROW-eh"). She is awesome. She attended law school at BYU, practiced for a while, and then chose to be a stay-at-home mom. She appears content, even fulfilled, doing it. It's inspiring. She also makes really good miso soup.

You've been checking Craigslist every day for a home for rent in St. George. Would you care to explain?

We're moving home at the end of September, unless DJ gets a job that he applied for here. We're moving again. Story of our lives.

Tell me about it! Well, it's been a pleasure interviewing you today. You are charming, charismatic, and as lovely as always.

(blushing) You didn't have to say that!

Yes, I did. You're emotionally needy.