Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I am going to be RICH.

I'm going into the t-shirt business. I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again and I figure everyone else must be, too. For example:

Three weeks ago we moved into a new house around the corner. [Less expensive, fenced yard, closer to school, the landlord is not a Nazi...you get the idea.] Our family/neighbor friends helped us move our stuff. Here's the t-shirt that I needed that day: WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH CRAP?? (I know that the 'C' word isn't very refined but it's accurate. We have a lot of crap.)

Here's one for Sunday morning: CHURCH STARTS AT NINE. WE NEED TO LEAVE IN _____ MINUTES!

I thought this one would be handy, since I feel that my flat hair needs an excuse and yet, for some inexplicable reason, my hair rarely comes up naturally in conversation: MY HAIR DRYER DIED THIS MORNING (Sad but true. My hair dryer is dead. My hair is flat.)

I would also sell buttons for kids. Here's one that will singlehandedly (single buttonedly?) make me a millionaire: I DRESSED MYSELF. This would be a nice, no-nonsense way of explaining why Olivia is wearing a pink plaid skirt with her yellow pajama t-shirt on backwards.

Last but not least, I want a shirt for when I go running. I run on the Snow Canyon Parkway trail, early in the morning. For some reason I feel obligated to acknowledge the other runners/cyclists on the trail. It's ridiculous and, frankly, I can't spare the breath. I need a shirt that says: "...(gasp!)...Mornin'!" Problem solved.


Davis family said...

I'll buy some of those!!

kessa lou said...

i love it! you got a good belly laugh from me!

Anne said...

Hey Elisey-linna you REALLY should submit some of your stories to newspapers and magazines - you could make a living being at home with the kids. You are very clever!

Jenn said...

So, did DJ give you that idea of the "I dressed myself" button from my Sunday School Class. I swear I have pitched that in class before! You really are a great writer, I can't wait to frequent your blog and chuckle and giggle. Thanks again for letting my borrow Tess!

Rachel Smith said...

everyone tells you to publish this stuff, but I said it first...in fact I think I can scroll to your very first posting and prove it!
I would totally buy the "I Dressed Myself" Button and I would laugh so hard if I saw it on another kid!... seriously... there is a shop on main street called "GrUn" next to 25 main (place with great cupcakes)...The girl who owns it is named Rachel- she'll make that button for you!(She's made buttons for me for mother's day gifts) Really, go get one made, tell her I sent you....do it...5,4,3,2,1

elise said...

Was that where I heard that "I dressed myself" idea? It's been floating around in my brain for a while now. You're a GENIUS. :)

Jenn said...

I wasn't trying to steal your thunder. And you can't call me the Genius. If I remember correctly is was Martha Brockenbrough in her book "It could Happen to you! A Diary of Pregnancy and beyond". One of the most knee slappenest, laugh out loud books I have ever read! When you are pregnant with number 5 I will let you borrow it.