I'm going into the t-shirt business. I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again and I figure everyone else must be, too. For example:
Three weeks ago we moved into a new house around the corner. [Less expensive, fenced yard, closer to school, the landlord is not a Nazi...you get the idea.] Our family/neighbor friends helped us move our stuff. Here's the t-shirt that I needed that day: WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH CRAP?? (I know that the 'C' word isn't very refined but it's accurate. We have a lot of crap.)
Here's one for Sunday morning: CHURCH STARTS AT NINE. WE NEED TO LEAVE IN _____ MINUTES!
I thought this one would be handy, since I feel that my flat hair needs an excuse and yet, for some inexplicable reason, my hair rarely comes up naturally in conversation: MY HAIR DRYER DIED THIS MORNING (Sad but true. My hair dryer is dead. My hair is flat.)
I would also sell buttons for kids. Here's one that will singlehandedly (single buttonedly?) make me a millionaire: I DRESSED MYSELF. This would be a nice, no-nonsense way of explaining why Olivia is wearing a pink plaid skirt with her yellow pajama t-shirt on backwards.
Last but not least, I want a shirt for when I go running. I run on the Snow Canyon Parkway trail, early in the morning. For some reason I feel obligated to acknowledge the other runners/cyclists on the trail. It's ridiculous and, frankly, I can't spare the breath. I need a shirt that says: "...(gasp!)...Mornin'!" Problem solved.