The World According to Fez

My Chilean brother-in-law, Manny, as interpreted by my five-year-old daughter, Macey. Pretty accurate, I'd say. He is brown, after all.

My sister Carrie, Manny's wife. I secretly wonder if Macey started out drawing Spongebob Squarepants and then it just kind of morphed into Carrie. I love how my kids see the world. The other day Macey asked me if I could start teaching her how to be a grown up. I was so thrilled. I had visions of her cooking dinner, folding laundry, and killing spiders for me. When I asked her what a grown up does she said, "Mmm...they take showers, they boss people, they stay up watching the TV, and they eat treats." What an eye-opener. Is that how my kids see me? Is that all I do? Oh well.
At least I'm not all streaky brown with a crazy nose like Manny.

My Life: The Tower of Terror

Tonight I was rifling through old e-mails looking for pictures and I came across this little gem. When I found it I literally laughed out loud at the irony. This was taken about a year ago on the Tower of Terror ride at California Adventure. Have you ever ridden this ride? It's fun! They shoot you up and down really fast in a broken elevator and you can't see what's going on and you laugh riotously and then you want to barf. [Walt would ROLL OVER in his grave. Or in his cryogenic tank.] See how I'm smiling like a doofus? Yeah... I think I can say with confidence that I am no longer handling life's ups and downs with that amount of alacrity (I've been waiting my whole LIFE to use that word in a sentence!). I think my brother-in-law, Manny, has captured the essence of how I've been feeling these past few months. He's the guy in the blue and white striped shirt, clinging to my sister's arm like a little girl (sorry Manny, it's true). Yeah. I feel more like that. Just closing my eyes, hanging on for dear life, dying for the ride to just stop already.

I think I'm struggling with adulthood.

Uh Kish!

So, how's everyone's summer vacation going? As you can see, the Haynes family summer has proceeded as follows: wake up, feed Tess, feed other children, clean up food mess, feed Tess, change eight hundred diapers, repeat. I haven't seen the sun in days.

On the bright side, Little DJ has finally warmed up to baby Tess. About ninety times a day he whines, "uh kish!" at me. This means that he wants to give Tess a kiss. [Another ninety times a day he yells, "UH JEWSH!" and then throws his empty sippy cup at me. Translation: "Mother, you are beautiful, intelligent, and I love and respect you. I appreciate that you have forgone a career outside of the home in order to care for me. Would you please fill my sippy cup with juice?"]

WHY?!

Why do wolf spiders like to hang out in piles of dirty laundry?! I was just sitting on the floor of my closet sorting through the laundry when this raccoon-sized wolf spider crawled out from under my husband's dirty pants and then proceeded to laugh at me and dart underneath one of my t-shirts. It took me four or five good whacks with DJ's enormous sneaker to kill the thing. I'm still shaking. I am in no condition to be battling wolf spiders right now! I HATE spiders. I especially hate spiders that hide in dirty laundry.

The end.

More of Tesslie Amelia

Don't you just love new babies? I can't stop taking pictures of Tess for some reason. She's such a mild-mannered baby. And see how my kids are lined up on the couch, their hair brushed, their clothing not covered with food and/or boogers, not hitting eachother over the head with toys? DJ and my sisters are responsible for that. I've basically been a worthless slug for the last week. I don't know why but for some reason it feels like someone took a knife to my stomach and ripped my guts out. Huh. Imagine that.

Welcome home, Tess!

She's finally here! Tess Amelia Haynes was born Thursday May 28th at 7:47 a.m. She weighed a whopping 6 lbs. 11 oz. and was 19 inches long. What a GIANT! In case you can't tell from the pictures, our little Tess was born with a little spot in her lip for her to put her Slurpie straw. We found out about a week before the c-section was scheduled that Tess might be born with a cleft lip. We were very fortunate-- Tess was born with her palate intact and only a very mild (is that the right word?) cleft lip. Surprisingly, my other kids haven't even asked about Tess's lip. Macey was more disturbed by her umbilical cord. I caught baby DJ trying to squish her top lip together yesterday. I just said, "Chancho, if you squish her lip together, how will she drink her Slurpies?"

Tess has been such a sweet, EASY baby. I have totally fallen in love with her. And who would've thought I would have such a teensy little baby? Macey brought Tess her toy duckie at the hospital because, "Tess doesn't have any toys yet," and the thing was bigger than Tess (not that that's saying much-- I've seen bananas bigger that Tess).