Have you ever...

Have you ever looked at a picture from your childhood and thought, "Why couldn't I just put on a dorky costume and pose like the other dorky kids?! Why, oh WHY did I just sit there picking my nose??"

Have you ever woken up (awakened?), looked in the mirror and thought, "Dangit! My hair is still trailer park blonde!"? Whenever I'm pregnant (which for me is, like, ALWAYS) I start to feel all grody and unfeminine and then I get these Crazy Ideas and that's when I start to do screwy things to my hair. (Everyone remember the crappy haircut I got when I was in Hawaii, pregnant with Chancho? Talk about a recipe for disaster-- pregnant and on vacation. I'm surprised I didn't dye my hair blue.) I have had some heinously bad hairdos in the course of my four pregnancies. Right now my hair is this ridiculously unnatural shade of blonde. A girl who works at a place where they normally only allow licensed professionals to work committed this act of bad hair against me. Now I have an appointment for this Saturday to have another licensed professional fix it.

Have you ever come to a screeching halt on the side of the road to buy Leamonade (that's what the sign said--with a capital L) from a suspicious-looking redhead because you feel bad for the poor kid, only to find that the "Leamonade" is seriously overpriced and actually not even Leamonade at all, but some form of Sugary Cherry-Flavored Drink that your kids (and the redheaded kid, too) end up spilling all over themselves and your car seats?

Have you ever been searching the house high and low for your one-year-old child, only to look out the window and see him halfway up the tree in your backyard?