WHY?!

Why do wolf spiders like to hang out in piles of dirty laundry?! I was just sitting on the floor of my closet sorting through the laundry when this raccoon-sized wolf spider crawled out from under my husband's dirty pants and then proceeded to laugh at me and dart underneath one of my t-shirts. It took me four or five good whacks with DJ's enormous sneaker to kill the thing. I'm still shaking. I am in no condition to be battling wolf spiders right now! I HATE spiders. I especially hate spiders that hide in dirty laundry.

The end.

More of Tesslie Amelia

Don't you just love new babies? I can't stop taking pictures of Tess for some reason. She's such a mild-mannered baby. And see how my kids are lined up on the couch, their hair brushed, their clothing not covered with food and/or boogers, not hitting eachother over the head with toys? DJ and my sisters are responsible for that. I've basically been a worthless slug for the last week. I don't know why but for some reason it feels like someone took a knife to my stomach and ripped my guts out. Huh. Imagine that.

Welcome home, Tess!

She's finally here! Tess Amelia Haynes was born Thursday May 28th at 7:47 a.m. She weighed a whopping 6 lbs. 11 oz. and was 19 inches long. What a GIANT! In case you can't tell from the pictures, our little Tess was born with a little spot in her lip for her to put her Slurpie straw. We found out about a week before the c-section was scheduled that Tess might be born with a cleft lip. We were very fortunate-- Tess was born with her palate intact and only a very mild (is that the right word?) cleft lip. Surprisingly, my other kids haven't even asked about Tess's lip. Macey was more disturbed by her umbilical cord. I caught baby DJ trying to squish her top lip together yesterday. I just said, "Chancho, if you squish her lip together, how will she drink her Slurpies?"

Tess has been such a sweet, EASY baby. I have totally fallen in love with her. And who would've thought I would have such a teensy little baby? Macey brought Tess her toy duckie at the hospital because, "Tess doesn't have any toys yet," and the thing was bigger than Tess (not that that's saying much-- I've seen bananas bigger that Tess).

Have you ever...

Have you ever looked at a picture from your childhood and thought, "Why couldn't I just put on a dorky costume and pose like the other dorky kids?! Why, oh WHY did I just sit there picking my nose??"

Have you ever woken up (awakened?), looked in the mirror and thought, "Dangit! My hair is still trailer park blonde!"? Whenever I'm pregnant (which for me is, like, ALWAYS) I start to feel all grody and unfeminine and then I get these Crazy Ideas and that's when I start to do screwy things to my hair. (Everyone remember the crappy haircut I got when I was in Hawaii, pregnant with Chancho? Talk about a recipe for disaster-- pregnant and on vacation. I'm surprised I didn't dye my hair blue.) I have had some heinously bad hairdos in the course of my four pregnancies. Right now my hair is this ridiculously unnatural shade of blonde. A girl who works at a place where they normally only allow licensed professionals to work committed this act of bad hair against me. Now I have an appointment for this Saturday to have another licensed professional fix it.

Have you ever come to a screeching halt on the side of the road to buy Leamonade (that's what the sign said--with a capital L) from a suspicious-looking redhead because you feel bad for the poor kid, only to find that the "Leamonade" is seriously overpriced and actually not even Leamonade at all, but some form of Sugary Cherry-Flavored Drink that your kids (and the redheaded kid, too) end up spilling all over themselves and your car seats?

Have you ever been searching the house high and low for your one-year-old child, only to look out the window and see him halfway up the tree in your backyard?

Happy Cinco de Mayo...er...birthday, Macey!

We accidentally threw a Cinco de Mayo-themed birthday party for Macey. I say accidentally because I didn't intend for her cake to end up looking like a platter of guacamole. That was just one of those fortunate twists of fate. Macey really wanted to have a pinata, and since I'm a pretty big fan of whacking things with a stick to produce candy, I went along with the idea. So I went to Walmart in search of their cheapest pinata (you're just going to destroy it, right?). There were $20 High School Musical pinatas and Tinkerbell pinatas, and while I am not opposed to the idea of smacking Zac Efron in the face with an oar, I opted for the el-cheapo $10 parrot pinata that was actually Made In Meh-hee-co (mistake #1). And that was the last bit of thought that I put into the pinata.
So the eve of the birthday party came and it was time for the pinata. "Hmm... pinatas are usually hanging from something, aren't they?" I thought. That was when DJ had the brilliant idea to hang the pinata from our rake and wave it in front of the children's faces (mistake #2). "Hmm...the children will need something with which to whack the pinata..." I thought. So I sent DJ back into the garage in search of a whacking-device. He came back a few minutes later with an oar. I thought this was excellent, since I fully expected him to come back with a set of antlers. So we headed to the backyard with our rake, oar, and poorly-constructed parrot pinata. Oh yeah, and 15 or so crazy nieces and nephews.
As it turns out, pinatas usually hang from a rope for a good reason. Apparently our rake didn't provide the 'give' that the pinata needed to stay attached to the plastic hoop thing that it swings from. That's when we decided to invent a new game.


Pinata Golf


Which quickly degraded into...




Pinata Baseball















I'm so grateful that we decided to forgo the blindfolds.

The Name Game

When you hear the name 'Vienna' you think of a classy Austrian city, right? When I hear it in my head, I hear Christopher Plummer's classy voice telling his seven classy children that in the morning he must travel to classy Vienna. This is what my husband pictures: Yep. Canned mystery meat. I blame Parowan High School. I still like the name Vienna, though. DJ and I are playing the name game right now--trying to find a name for this little girl (who is coming on May 28th, by the way. Four weeks. Holy MOLY.) We have a list of names going that we (sort of) agree on. To be more accurate, DJ has a list of four names and I have a list of four names. Here's another name that we're grappling with: Elizabeth. I like it when it's associated with sassy Elizabeth Bennet from the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. You know...

I have second thoughts about the name, though, when I picture Queen Receding Hairline Elizabeth:

I'm sure that Queen Elizabeth did some good things during her reign. I just read on Wikipedia (so you know it's true) that one of her mottoes was "video et taceo" which means "I see, and say nothing". I would like for this to be my newborn's motto as well. It's the receding hairline that I can't get past. Call me shallow.

Another name we're going back and forth on is Claire. DJ dislikes this name intensely. I like it a lot-- it was my grandma's middle name. Also, if we name her Elizabeth Claire then she can go by E. Claire Haynes. Bonus!

As you can see, we're having issues in the baby name department. I'd really like everyone's input. What I'm going to do is give you our name list and then I want you readers (both of you) to tell me which ones are least likely to get her made fun of in middle school. Here it is:

Vienna (Elise)

Jane (Elise)

Claire (Elise)

Tess (Elise)

Audrey (DJ)

Elizabeth (DJ)

Amelia (DJ)

Natalie (DJ)

Also, if you have any other name ideas I am absolutely open to suggestions. That eclair is making me salivate. I have to go find something sweet.

Good morning.

I got heartburn from a piece of dry toast this morning. And I just squirted myself in the eye with my grapefruit. That is all.

I promise I'll be back to my usual chipper self tomorrow. Repeat after me: only five weeks to go, only five weeks to go...

Aww, poor little fella' fell asleep at the dinner table again...

Little DJ fell asleep in his chair in between the blessing and the serving of the food tonight at dinner. This is happening more and more now that he has totally given up formal napping. (You know, where I put him in his bed at a certain time and he magically falls asleep, and then I finally get some housework done...or eat cookies...) I think that maybe I'm the only person around our house who doesn't get as much sleep as I want. Or maybe I'm the only dorkwad that takes pictures of unsuspecting sleepers.











Elise's Humility-o-meter Update: So, you know how I was bragging about my nifty Scrabble word that scored me fifty-something points? Well, I had another amazing game and got this 71 point word ('tornado'--all seven of my letters on a triple word score space. I wish you could've seen it!) and I was telling the tale to my sisters and mom the other day while we were out yard saling. My mom listened patiently through my story before asking humbly, "Elise, my child, have I ever told you about the time I played a 118 point word?" Then she got this far-off look in her eyes as she described her victory, which took place some time back in the 90s. Maybe the 80s. And now I have been sufficiently humbled (but I'm still a teensy bit proud of that 71 point word).

I'm going to Disneyland!

It happened, everyone. Item #19 on my list of things that I love! You remember, "[Come] up with a really butt-kicking word in Scrabble. And put it on a triple word score space. And then [win] Carrie. One day this will happen. One day..." Well, TODAY IS THAT DAY. Well, yesterday was that day. The word--tiff. The points--51. It was glorious. Sure, 'tiff' isn't the most butt-kicking word I've ever Scrabbled (at one point in the game I had the word 'equinox' on my little tray thing but there was nowhere to put it....I KNOW!), but it brought me back from 24 points behind and kept me in the lead for the remainder of the game. Final score- Carrie, 233 Elise, 270. Awwwww yeeeeah! ...I have got to get a life...

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...

My son, the carnivore.

I think that's all I need to say about this.

P.S. Try Troy's BBQ on 700 South. It's scrumptious (if you're into eating enormous platters of meat and you look forward to having an angioplasty).